If you aren’t clear what boundaries mean, please do well to understand it clearly (see page 327) before reading this section so you know what is actually been talked about. Adults with boundary problems had not developed those problems as grown-ups. They had learned patterns early in life and then continued those out-of-control patterns in their adult lives, where the stakes were higher. The objective of the section is to help children avoid the many life drama’s of life (often hurting) that result from lack of proper boundaries.
Parenting is not easy, and should be more than just about the present. You should always remember that you are preparing your child or ward for the future. This means you need to shape the child’s character because a person’s character is one’s destiny. Most of our problems result from our own character weakness. Where we possess inner strength, we succeed, often in spite of tough circumstances. But where we do not possess inner strength, we either get stuck or fail. Character is almost everything.
Parents—and those who work with children—would do well to keep this in mind. A major goal of raising children is to help them develop the character that will make their future go well. You will always love to help your child/ward but always ask whether your helping is actually ‘helping’ him or her. Don’t mess up their future because you want to be loving.
Allison and her son Cameron is an example the authors have used to show how our helping as parents may be setting the wrong future for our kids. Come on check it out and get the whole brief.
Children are not born with boundaries. They internalize boundaries from external relationships and discipline. In order for children to learn who they are and what they are responsible for, their parents have to have clear boundaries with them and relate to them in ways that help them learn their own boundaries. If boundaries are clear, children develop several qualities:
• A well-defined sense of who they are
• What they are responsible for
• The ability to choose
• The understanding that if they choose well, things will go well, and if they choose poorly, they will suffer
• The possibility for true love based in freedom.
The essence of boundaries is self-control, responsibility, freedom, and love.
Finally, the authors categorized the roles of parents into three (3) : Guardian, Manager and Source. As a guardian is legally responsible for a child and, in that capacity, protects and preserves the child. As a manager makes sure things get done—goals are reached, demands and expectations are met. Children are not born with self-discipline; therefore they have to have “other-discipline.” Managers provide this other-discipline by making sure the child does the tasks at hand to meet the expectations important for her growth. Children come into the world without resources. They don’t know where the food is, how to get shelter, or how to obtain the money they need for basic supplies. They have immaterial needs as well, without knowing how to meet them. They need love, spiritual growth, wisdom, support, and knowledge, all of which are out of their reach. Parents are the source of all good things for a child.
It’s Friday, please do have a great weekend and re-evaluate how you are preparing your child/ward for the future. Don’t trade their future for today’s comfort. Pick up the book Boundaries and study the entire tips offered. Connect with us and let’s have a great time together.